I apologise for the page numbers in advance and will resolve this but this is only a first attempt and will go back and correct this along with any improvements I may need to make.
Your story is so much more confident now - and your script reads well - and I love the triumphant trombone playing of the whale at the end. The only suggestion I'd make is that maybe, you need more variety in terms of the pratfalls and physical comedy in the middle act. For example, one of the gags could be that, when the guy is playing the trombone for the second time, what he doesn't see (but the audience does) is that he's actually attracting ANOTHER whale - that takes a romantic shine to him (like the trombone is producing the mating call) - or that a HUGE whale appears and swallows him up, and then we see a shot on the surface of the hunter being blown out into the air through the big whale's waterspout. I would just recommend that you look to create an escalation effect, so that the consequences/events of the middle act 2 start small (he swims into a rock) and build into more elaborate situations.
Hey Adam,
ReplyDeleteYour story is so much more confident now - and your script reads well - and I love the triumphant trombone playing of the whale at the end. The only suggestion I'd make is that maybe, you need more variety in terms of the pratfalls and physical comedy in the middle act. For example, one of the gags could be that, when the guy is playing the trombone for the second time, what he doesn't see (but the audience does) is that he's actually attracting ANOTHER whale - that takes a romantic shine to him (like the trombone is producing the mating call) - or that a HUGE whale appears and swallows him up, and then we see a shot on the surface of the hunter being blown out into the air through the big whale's waterspout. I would just recommend that you look to create an escalation effect, so that the consequences/events of the middle act 2 start small (he swims into a rock) and build into more elaborate situations.