Okay - my thoughts on your story are as follows. There is a problem with the tone of your story. You've got it written as if it's a action-adventure flick or similar... but with a trombone!
As we've discussed before, Trombones are constitutionally amusing - they are not an elegant instrument - they are comic. Therefore, the moment your character introduces it into the story, I want to laugh - because it's as if Steven Segal has just produced a space-hopper... it's a mismatch of tone. I think you're in denial about that trombone - it's the key to the whole animation really. You're also hung up on that flooded warehouse - because that belonged to your previous story ideas; I'm still not sure from your premise 'where' the warehouse is, or why it's flooded. Is there any real need for the warehouse to be where the action takes place? As we discussed, the warehouse (or storeroom) could be a place in which exotic creatures are stored before being shipped off to wealthy collectors or similar. The warehouse therefore, tells us something about your character/collector (i.e. he's a cruel, selfish, money-motivated bastard!)
In terms of your third act, you don't really have an ending. Yes, the creature is captured, but really, so what? If you made your collector more villainous - i.e. he's takes rare and exotic creatures from their habitats and sells them on, then he's not a nice guy - therefore, the third act might be how the creature champions over him and gets away?
I'd suggest you're NOT making an action/adventure story - but rather a comedic 'chase' narrative, in which it's character vs character, and the creature outsmarts the collector - just as Roadrunner outsmarts Coyote.
Trombones are inherently silly, Adam - you're in denial!
Regarding your essay - hmmm - I'm not sure there's enough specific content in The Terminator to base an entire essay around it. Yes, it uses cross-dissolves - but so so does any number of movies. The trick with this assignment (indeed all assignments) is to choose a subject that gives you lots of clear content and a specific 'kind' of structure to contextualise and explore; so, you've also looked at Citizen Kane - a film totally defined by it's non-linear structure. Consider this in terms of emphasis; 'This assignment will investigate the use on non-linear structure in film, with specific reference to Citizen Kane (or Reservoir Dogs, or....)'
This means you must first introduce, define and contextualise 'non-linear narrative' in general terms (which might mean you refer to lots of other films by way of example - i.e. build the context) - and then you apply that understanding to one specific film, citing specific instances of 'non-linearity' in the film by way of an example.
The Terminator proposal, I'm afraid, is weak in terms of effectively answering this particular question - do yourself a favour and choose something 'iconic' in terms of its structure and/or editing.
Interim Online Review 15/02/2011
ReplyDeleteMorning Adam,
Okay - my thoughts on your story are as follows. There is a problem with the tone of your story. You've got it written as if it's a action-adventure flick or similar... but with a trombone!
As we've discussed before, Trombones are constitutionally amusing - they are not an elegant instrument - they are comic. Therefore, the moment your character introduces it into the story, I want to laugh - because it's as if Steven Segal has just produced a space-hopper... it's a mismatch of tone. I think you're in denial about that trombone - it's the key to the whole animation really. You're also hung up on that flooded warehouse - because that belonged to your previous story ideas; I'm still not sure from your premise 'where' the warehouse is, or why it's flooded. Is there any real need for the warehouse to be where the action takes place? As we discussed, the warehouse (or storeroom) could be a place in which exotic creatures are stored before being shipped off to wealthy collectors or similar. The warehouse therefore, tells us something about your character/collector (i.e. he's a cruel, selfish, money-motivated bastard!)
In terms of your third act, you don't really have an ending. Yes, the creature is captured, but really, so what? If you made your collector more villainous - i.e. he's takes rare and exotic creatures from their habitats and sells them on, then he's not a nice guy - therefore, the third act might be how the creature champions over him and gets away?
I'd suggest you're NOT making an action/adventure story - but rather a comedic 'chase' narrative, in which it's character vs character, and the creature outsmarts the collector - just as Roadrunner outsmarts Coyote.
Trombones are inherently silly, Adam - you're in denial!
Regarding your essay - hmmm - I'm not sure there's enough specific content in The Terminator to base an entire essay around it. Yes, it uses cross-dissolves - but so so does any number of movies. The trick with this assignment (indeed all assignments) is to choose a subject that gives you lots of clear content and a specific 'kind' of structure to contextualise and explore; so, you've also looked at Citizen Kane - a film totally defined by it's non-linear structure. Consider this in terms of emphasis; 'This assignment will investigate the use on non-linear structure in film, with specific reference to Citizen Kane (or Reservoir Dogs, or....)'
ReplyDeleteThis means you must first introduce, define and contextualise 'non-linear narrative' in general terms (which might mean you refer to lots of other films by way of example - i.e. build the context) - and then you apply that understanding to one specific film, citing specific instances of 'non-linearity' in the film by way of an example.
The Terminator proposal, I'm afraid, is weak in terms of effectively answering this particular question - do yourself a favour and choose something 'iconic' in terms of its structure and/or editing.
... so - not quite a greenlight then, Adam...
ReplyDeleteEmbrace the trombone! :)