Phil, I have taken a look at the example in the link and understand that it has to be much more simplier so I have tried to incoporate this in my new treatment and I have based more of the focus of the toadstool trying to sleep but the fairy is preventing him from this. I feel this version reads better than before because there is less action and the story as a whole is a lot simplier. Does the story work and is this what you meant by shorter and humourous?
Treatment for the Geriatric Toadstool 3
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